Learn to Pause if You Want to Set Better Boundaries

In Self Management we talk a lot about pausing versus reacting.

Usually, what comes to mind is not reacting when we're really angry or feeling super emotional, because we tend to react when we're in a heightened emotional state.

But another great place to use the "pause" is when people ask things of us.

If you're working on setting better boundaries and have a habit of saying yes to things without thinking about whether or not you actually can or want to do that thing, that's a great place to implement the pause.

The next time someone asks if you can or want to do something, take a beat and actually think about how you feel about it.

If you're like me and you have a hard time doing that in the presence of someone else, ask if you can get back to them in a little bit or by the end of the day.

Then check in with yourself:

• Is this something I want to do?

• How do I feel about this?

• Do I have the time do it?

• Will it drain me or take away from something I need?

Healthy boundaries are all about checking in with ourselves to determine what we need, and creating space for what’s important. When you take time to actually reflect on how you feel about a request, you’re holding space for your needs.

Many of us were socialized to be “good” and society often tells us that being a good person is about putting others needs before our own, but that’s not true. It’s all about the oxygen mask metaphor; the more full we feel, the better equipped we are to help others. Our needs matter!

And the more often we stop to check in with ourselves, the more of a habit it becomes.

And besides, don’t you want people to come to your parties and show up to help you when they WANT to and not because they feel obligated? It feels so much better for everyone!

Let me know in the comments if this is something you should try more often!