Reasons Why You Should be Giving A LOT More "Positive" Feedback
I’ll start by saying that, yes, I am a millennial. One of the generation that Simon Sinek loves to rag on: about how entitled and privileged we are, and how we want to have everything but not actually work for it. But I really think that’s just his response as one of an older generation struggling to keep up with how things evolve.
I mean, I can relate. I learned today that parting your hair on the side isn’t cool anymore according to gen Z. I’m struggling with this news, so I can see how wanting to increase EQ in the workplace when Simon had to suffer in his youth might be hard to hear.
Anyway, as a millennial, I’m part of the “participation trophy” generation. And it’s funny because while that one instance of positive reinforcement could appear flawed, I do very much agree with positive reinforcement because of the myriad benefits it has for any relationship, especially within the workplace. If we want healthier humans, more productive work environments, and happier employees, we need to normalize making people feel seen and appreciated for what they contribute.
So when I’m talking about positive reinforcement, all I’m saying is that we should be telling people WAY MORE OFTEN what they’re doing well, why it’s good, and the impact it has.
Here’s why:
Positive feedback builds trust. When we tell people what they’re doing well instead of just pointing out all of their flaws, we’re building trust. If there’s someone in my workplace who sees the work I’m doing and applauds the effort I’m making, they’re going to be one of the safe people I go to more often, and it’ll be easier for me to open up to them. It makes me feel safer in their presence and actually allows me to focus more on the work than worrying about whether or not my boss is going to like it. This is especially important for newer and younger employees who are developing their self-esteem.
It builds confidence. I don’t think we should go around all the time giving meaningless compliments willy-nilly; far from it, I believe behavior-reinforcing feedback should be thoughtful and structured so that it lands with intentionality. I don’t care if you like my shoes, but I do care if you think the workshop I taught had a meaningful impact on its participants because you heard Johnny on the phone with mom on break using the tools he learned in class.
When we take the time to give meaningful feedback, we can often fill in spots for people who might not even know they’re performing well in some of their best areas; many people aren’t connected to their strengths and it’s important that they’re given feedback that actually helps them grow. It can help someone pursue a career in the area they have a natural strength in instead of constantly working to fill in the gaps in a job they don’t like to begin with.It helps the “giver” have a better attitude. That’s right. SO many of us were taught that “constructive criticism” is the way to go - we always have to tell someone what they need to work on. But that’s only one part of the equation because that means we’re always looking for flaws. We have to train our brains to ALSO see the beauty that currently exists and to understand what’s already working. If Apple worked this way, they wouldn’t have continued to change the User Experience of Apple Music and stopped when they hit perfection 3 years ago. Now it’s a UX nightmare.
But really, it’s important to learn how to see the good. After practicing giving more behavior reinforcing feedback over the last few years (whoa what a sentence!), I find that when I am frustrated with a colleague, my mind doesn’t just find fault; I’m now trained to also see what they bring to the table and keep that in the conversation, and as a result my work relationships are better and I don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater on work projects in the name of “progress.”
It makes it easier to have the hard conversations. Remember how we talked about building trust? If someone who’s always nitpicking my work gives me some hard-to-hear feedback, you can bet your bum that I’m going to take it with a grain of salt, and I’m way more likely to get defensive. If they don’t see or understand me about anything else, why would they understand this topic? On the other hand, if someone who regularly makes me feel seen and appreciated gives me that same feedback, I’m going to spend more time and energy on that conversation, and I’m going to be more curious about their opinion on how I could improve in this area. If I trust you, I care about what you think.
See? Positive-reinforcement isn’t just about lollipops and rainbows. When done well, it helps people grow, builds trust and rapport, and paves the way for the harder conversations that are inevitable in any workplace or relationship. So how do we do that?
Join the “Relationship Management” and we talk all about how to give and receive all kinds of feedback!
What do you think about positive reinforcement?